Very Punny!

I have always, and probably always will love puns. I think a solid pun is likely my favorite form of humor. I just don’t understand why folks will groan and make “kill me now” jokes when they hear them.

So first, I’d like to introduce you to thirty of my favorites.

  1. Electrician charged with removing a man’s shorts.
  2. Corduroy pillows are making headlines all over the world
  3. I had a great joke about a boomerang, but I forgot it… Don’t worry, it’ll come back to me.
  4. The hyena was angry that the airline only allowed him one carrion.
  5. I asked the app store if it could make fire. It told me “Sorry, no matches”.
  6. I heard a bunch of sewing jokes today. They were string seamlessly together.
  7. A short fortuneteller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
  8. Time flies like arrows. Fruit flies like bananas.
  9. The creator of McAfee is wanted for murder. The trial will last 30 days.
  10. Hungry plants like light snacks.
  11. A math teacher bought a house. His wife cosined on the lease.
  12. I wondered why the baseball looked like it was getting bigger… Then it hit me!
  13. Knowing sign language is pretty handy.
  14. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  15. I always wanted to learn how to juggle, but I never had the balls.
  16.  I’d like to call the cops on my three year old for resisting a rest.
  17. The boat store had a sale on paddles. One clerk said it was quite an oar deal.
  18. I tried writing with a broken pencil, but it was pointless.
  19. I am inclined to be laid back.
  20. Cartoonist found dead. Details are sketchy at best.
  21. The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.
  22. Cannibals don’t eat clowns cause they taste funny.
  23. He said I was average, but I think he was just being mean.
  24. I thought I was injured when I broke my finger, but on the other hand I was okay.
  25. Two silk worms had a race. they ended up in a tie.
  26. I read a book about a small garden. There wasn’t much of a plot.
  27. A hole was found in the fence at a nudist colony. Police are looking into it.
  28. a piano fell down a mine shaft, resulting in a-flat minor.
  29. Cross-eyed teachers can’t control their pupils.
  30. I used to practice archery, but it has too many drawbacks.
Got any good puns? Share em in the comments!
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2 thoughts on “Very Punny!

  1. My fave has always been the following contrived tale (but the baseball element of it makes me a sucker for it.) You may have heard it before, but if I just give you the punch line, and you haven’t heard it, that would be a shame, so here goes.

    It was the bottom of the ninth. Two out, bases loaded, tie game. The manager of the home team has seen enough from his starter, so he calls to the bullpen for his ace reliever, Dan Milfamey.

    Milfamey comes in from the bullpen and takes his warm-up pitches. After each warm-up, he reaches into his back pocket, pulls out a can, and takes a swig from it. Then he replaces the can in his back pocket and makes another pitch.

    He finishes warming up and the umpire calls the next batter into the batters box. Milfamey takes a sip from his can, replaces it in his back pocket, then throws a pitch.

    “Ball One!”, says the umpire. Milfamey takes out his can and drinks from it.

    Another pitch.

    “Ball Two!”, says the umpire.

    Milfamey drinks again, then throws another pitch.

    “Ball Three!”, says the umpire.

    Milfamey takes the can from his back pocket, takes a huge gulp, then replaces the can in his pocket. He winds up and throws.

    “Ball Four!”, says the umpire, and the batter takes his base, forcing in the winning run for the other team.

    The winning team is rejoicing, jumping up and down, as Milfamey slowly walks off the mound and heads toward the clubhouse. As he’s doing so, he removes the can from his back pocket, takes one last swig, and tosses the can away.

    Two players on the other team have been watching this action taking place. One turns to the other and says, “What the hell was in that can?”

    The other player says, “That was the beer that made Milfamey walk us.”

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