Time Slipping Away…

I am currently sitting, enjoying the peace of the house. The TV’s are off, the lights are dimmed. I’m alone with my thoughts, as is typical these nights. While I do enjoy my quiet time, thoughts have been coming in heavily of late. Thoughts of the past, thoughts of the future, thoughts of life, etc. I’m familiar with a great many facts of life, and understand them, but I think what I didn’t realize is just how little being aware and mindful really helps when certain stages of existence come to pass.

I don’t have any one particular event in mind specifically at the moment. There was no one catalyst for these thoughts. Perhaps it’s just that only now, during my solace, do I finally get the opportunity to reflect upon the events of the day. Those times I felt frustration at something one of the kids did now bring a whistful smile to my face. Invariably, I remember doing the same thing myself at that age.
I remember a significant amount of my early years, stretching as far back as the age of two. I remember life at the time being nothing but a waiting game. You’re too young. Give it some time. You’ll get there. You’ll see. You just wait. I don’t think I stopped to really look around until I was graduating high school. That’s when things really changed. Prior to that, if I thought something was cool, I thought “I’ll do that again tomorrow”. Leaving high school that statement turned into, “Boy, I wish I could go back and experience that again.”

As the sands of time continue to drizzle down into the bottom of the hour glass, I find myself missing that which has passed more and more, a feeling that’s only exacerbated by watching my kids grow. We work so hard to help them along and teach them the things they will need to know to stay happy, healthy, etc… and then we all look back and wish they were babies again. I suppose that’s what perpetuates the species.

It may sound a little melodramatic at this point in my life, where my children are 17 months and 5 years old, but I swear it happened so fast, that I can already see the next twenty years flashing by only just slightly more slowly.

People say that time goes by faster as you age, and although my over-inflated sense of logic would love to try to argue the point, it’d be a waste of time. As I sit here, a single year represents 1/31 of my life… If you cut a pie into 31 slices, each slice would be bigger than those in a pie cut in 32 equal pieces. Each year, our pie slices get smaller and less noticeable. Thus, the length of a year becomes less noticeable.

Realizing of course that of the group who may read this blog that I’m likely among the younger demographic at the age of 31, I welcome the “YOU feel old?! Hah!” statements expectantly. I know I’m not likely to get much sympathy, and in truth, that’s not what I’m looking for, I really don’t need sympathy. I’m certainly not the first person to have realized that time has passed, and things we’ve taken for granted are not only gone, but slowly fading from memory.

I’m not looking for answers by posting this, as I know that realistically, there are none. I just felt like writing and this is what happened to be on my mind at the time. I realize the only thing to do is sit back and enjoy the ride. The tricky part is interpreting each pit stop as an opportunity commit things to memory, and not an inconvenience. I’ve been saying “You’ll miss it when it’s gone” a lot lately, especially when I’m telling my oldest not to do something I’ve told her not to do a hundred times before, or picking up pieces of half-chewed food, or reaching for a sippy cup full of cheese that’d rolled beneath the couch last week… it helps to keep things in perspective.

Do you get the same sorts of pangs nostalgia? What do you do to soften the blow?

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6 thoughts on “Time Slipping Away…

  1. Matt, truthfully? I wallow in nostalgia. I dive off the deep end of the memory pool and will myself to sink to the bottom. And I find nothing wrong with it, nothing regretful about spending time in the past as opposed to living life to the fullest in the immediate.Now, I’ve had a full life, rich in good memories, and I can almost always dredge up something that brings a smile to my face. Others may not have been as blessed. I’m not saying I haven’t had heartache, as I most certainly have, but my personal belief has, hidden in it somewhere, the idea that our heavens will be made of those things we enjoyed in life, relived again, while our hells will be populated with regrets. I am previewing heaven.Time goes by more quickly precisely for the reason you gave. It seems like a lesser portion now than then. So, why not enjoy the then?Also, insofar as softening what comes with melancholia (as opposed to just nostalgia) I find it best to share the pain 🙂 Find those who had similar experiences and enjoy a few brews or other choice of intoxicant. Trade stories, laugh, be old soldiers without the physical debilitation of actual battles.Or write a blog 🙂

  2. I saw your post come up last night when I was sitting at the computer in a state not dissimilar to yours. I couldn’t possibly have commented then. I had to bubble on it. I might add that I’ve noticed a number of favored bloggers seem to be suffering ennui right now. Ides of March? Spring fever? Effects of radiation over the Pacific? Not sure.That said, squeeze every moment of life with those daughters. Mine was a huge surprise after I’d tried to have a baby for 20 years. Hot dog, I’d reached my destination! Sometimes I lost track of the fact that it’s a journey, not a destination. At about middle-school age, I realized she didn’t need me as much as she had in earlier years. It nearly did me in.I don’t know how to ease the pangs, Matt. I’m not that well evolved. I’ve learned to square my narrow shoulders and solder on. That’s what gives us a rich texture. Thanks for the post.

  3. re: the question at hand. I just roll with it, as there’s not much else one can do, eh? My favorite sayin’ over the last few is “and this, too, shall pass.” Where memories are concerned the good stuff is good, by definition, and the bad shit? Ya just roll with it.

  4. Interesting take on that saying Buck, typically it’s used to remind people that the bad times will pass… In this case, it’s applicable either way! 🙂 Thanks for the comments all! 🙂

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