Ok, So…

I’ve been away from the blogosphere for a little while, things with work / life have just been running me ragged. Shortly before I left I was presented with a (my first!) blog award. It was “Versatile Blogger” by Uncle Skip. …Two weeks ago. I suppose it’s a good thing it wasn’t a “Punctual Blogger” award, I would have made a fool of myself and poor Uncle Skip…

The good Uncle awarded me this prize stating “Cause I want to see what he’ll do with it”. I’m sure “Nothing” wasn’t what he was hoping. I suppose there isn’t a whole lot I can do with it, since it’s actually just 1s and 0s. I can’t sew it to my football jacket or badge sash. Just as well, since I don’t have either of those things…

So the terms of my acceptance of this thing. First I’ve got to link the fellow who presented me with the award. I did that. Next, I have to tell you 8 things about myself. Then I need to choose some other folks who I’d like to have do the same thing.

I’m not entirely sure what people are hoping to learn about me, or even what things I can share that won’t come around in the future to bite me on the ass, and thus shouldn’t be shared. Not that there’s a whole lot of dirt in my past or present that I could get in trouble for, but I once shared some information regarding a piece of music that struck a certain “chord” in my being and brought a tear to my eye. That information in the wrong hands is such a pain in the ass. I’ll never hear the end of it. Not that it bothers me, but the fact that the person who thinks it bothers me, thinks it bothers me… bothers me. If that makes any sense…

So, I think for the sake of not getting any 4th grade razzing (…from my thirty-something year old friends…) I’ll try to keep the information as innocuous as possible.

Fact #1 – I’ve been eating food now for a very long time, 30+ years in fact. I suppose I wasn’t eating things like pizza and burgers in the first couple years of life, what with no teeth and all. I imagine those things started entering the picture some time later on. I do have proof in the form of a picture around here somewhere, that I ate a tomato at 9 months. I was much smaller at the time, and I’m much more proficient at eating tomatoes and other things now. I made quite a mess with that tomato.

Fact #2 – I have a very difficult time remembering things that I’ve forgotten. There’s a good deal of information that I used to know, but don’t know anymore, and I can’t remember it. I can’t even remember what all the things that I can’t remember are. They could have been phone numbers, addresses, names, dates, places, things… Actually, I suppose they’re all things… Which is why it can be accurately enough described as “something” I’ve forgotten.

You ever notice when you ask someone something, and they’ve forgotten it, they don’t say “I don’t know”, they say “I can’t remember” giving you the impression that they once knew… as if the fact that they once knew would sort of improve your opinion of them in some way that saying “I don’t know” wouldn’t. As if in case one day you might say “That guy is so smart, he was once able to comprehend this thing. He can’t now, but he could at one point.” Wouldn’t want you going around saying “I don’t know if that guy could ever understand this thing cause he never has in the past. I wish he’d have at least learned it at some point, and then forgotten, cause at least then I would know whether or not he has the capacity. Now, I’m just not sure.”

Fact #3 – There are many things that I cannot do. I know it’s hard to imagine that there are things outside of my realm of possibility, but it’s a sad fact. I cannot keep my eyes open when I sneeze. I cannot lick my own elbows. I cannot perform miracles like turning water into wine, although I’m very good at turning wine into urine.

Fact #4 – I’m older than I’ve ever been, and now I’m even older.

Fact #5 – I will never tell someone I’m open minded, because that would mean I’d have to be closed minded toward being closed-minded. You can’t be something that is by definition the antithesis of that which you are… You basically negate yourself, and the universe collapses. I hate when that happens.

Fact #6 – I will never bet against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

Fact #7 – I never understood why they call it a “Head Butt” when you hit someone or something with your head, but it’s not called a “Fist butt” or a “Foot Butt” when you punch or kick someone. Why “head butt” why not “Head punch”? or why not “Forehead impacting”? What happens when you KICK someone in the butt… did they butt-butt your foot?

Fact #8 – I don’t find Uma Thurman attractive in the least, and it baffles me that there are people who find her amazingly attractive. At best, I’d say she’s not repulsive.

So that’s about it for the factoids, I hope I didn’t divulged anything I’ll get crap for later, and I hope I fulfilled the requirements of the award thus far.

As far as picking some folks to participate in this, I think I’m going to have to abstain, simply just because out of the group of folks from whom I’d pick, I was the last to get tagged… so the people I’d choose have already done it, and asking them to do it again could actually result in me having to do it again in a couple weeks… I’d like to spare us all that.

If you’re interested in doing it though, please help yourself. Consider this an open invitation to your own versatile blogger award!

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3 thoughts on “Ok, So…

  1. Dude! This is hilarious. I really like your rant on saying “I can’t remember”. Which the funny part is that this statement is fairly obvious. Since if you could remember, you’d just talk about whatever was being asked, right? That’s like saying, “Can I ask a question?”, which of course you already did. Nor should you need permission to ask a question. Unless you’re a prisoner or in Basic Training. Oops, see what you’ve made me do. Awesome post anyway, buddy. Thanks for the laugh.

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