Pet Peeves Revisited, and a new list

On my way home from a meeting this morning, traveling in the fast lane on rt 495 south at an undisclosed speed, naturally within the local traffic laws…

Anyway, out of the corner of my eye, I saw fast approaching a white car. It caught my eye because for about four or five seconds, a brown fluttering appeared on the driver’s side just above the roof. I looked, and the driver was holding a brown paper bag flapping in the wind like a flag symbolizing laziness, complete disregard not only for the environment (although it was just a paper bag that’ll turn to mush in a week or two anyway) but to the well being of the person traveling behind him. That simple paper bag could have caused much more than an ugly brown eyesore in the lush green of the median.

I’ve said it before, it’s not necessarily the fact that someone is litering that bothers me, but the brazen disregard for the fact that our tax dollars are being wasted, paying state workers to walk around and pick that sh*t up! If we just took our trash to wherever we’re going, and threw it out, that money could be spent on better things…

Anyway, being in front of this person who was clearly in a hurry, I clicked the cruise control off, and coasted for a little while. Before long I was doing 50 in the high speed lane, no doubt to the dismay of many more than just mr. Brownbag. As his car neared uncomfortably, I saw through his windshield that he had his head tilted back, draining a cardboard cup of whatever it had in it. And ice cold serving of idiot fluid, I was certain, cause sure enough once satisfactorily emptied, the cup flew out the window as well.

It didn’t take long for Mr. Brownbag to get pissed off enough to go around me, and I tried to stare some humility into him on his way by… however, he didn’t look at me. I was a little bit surprised that he didn’t even look over to stare into the eyes of a jackass doing now around 48mph in the high speed lane. He didn’t even look inconvenienced… I began to think perhaps I was a little hasty in my judgement of him. Maybe he wasn’t a complete ass, but perhaps just completely devoid of thought. Clearly, someone, at some point of this person’s life had to have mentioned, at very least in passing conversation, that littering isn’t nice, though, so the benefit of the doubt doesn’t excuse him very much, in my book. He’s smart enough to have passed a driving test (presumably) he ought to know better than to liter like that.

He zipped by me, and cut back into the left lane just ahead of me, as I sped up and wrote down his plate number. I’ve still not yet decided what, if anything I’m going to do with it… While stupidity is a thorn in my side, that guy’s gotta live with it all day, every day. God only knows what other crap he’s caused for himself without ever realizing…

But still, my few minutes of fury when I thought he was being obnoxious gave birth to a few additions to my old list of inconveniences that I wish upon the people who I disrespect.

I hope every time you go to the pharmacy, your information has been lost and they require you to produce your insurance card again.

I hope every time you reach for your insurance card, you realize you left it at home.

I hope the last mouthful of every cup of coffee you drink is filled with grounds.

I hope you scratch the display on every cell phone you buy within two days of owning it.

I hope a kid gets a hold of your glasses every couple days, with some kind of greasy substance on their fingers.

I hope you lock your keys in your car, while it’s running (and while you’re not inside it) at least once a month.

I hope the credit bureaus get your mixed up with someone of the same name, who happens to be in jail. (This happened to someone I knew, real pain in the arse!)

I hope that every time you sneeze, a little bit comes out your tear duct.

I hope you run out of windshield washer fluid every time a bird hits your car from above.


5 thoughts on “Pet Peeves Revisited, and a new list

  1. …my old list of inconveniences that I wish upon the people who I disrespect. You’re MUCH kinder and gentler than I in this space, Matt. I wish the terminally stupid would curl up and DIE. As long as I get to decide who’s who, of course. šŸ˜‰

  2. I don’t wish death on people, regardless of their infractions. If they’ve done something that actually warrants something like death, then there’s always something far worse available. Something to do with scorpions. Or worse still, THE Scorpions… every rose does indeed have it’s thorn.I’d rather see them live to deal with some of the discomforts life has to offer. all the time.

  3. Love the list of inconviences…I’ve started my mental list.I really dislike those people who throw their cigarettes out of car windows. In Oregon we see a lot of bottles along the highways with amber colored liquid…it’s pee!!! People pee in bottles and throw them out the window. How sick is that?

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