Red Handed – A to Z Blog Challenge

I work from home as a computer IT geek consultant. Here, working in my house, I can get up from the couch when workload permits, and make a sandwich, or reheat some left overs. It wasn’t always that way though. I used to work in an office building in downtown Boston with a few dozen other folks, where I was made to either eat lunch at 12 if workload permitted, and I was … not force, but limited to eating with a bunch of people, or not eating… and I was still with said bunch of people.

Eating aside though, a real aggravating part of working in an office building was that I had to share the fridge. True, I have to share the fridge here at home too, but it’s different. At  the office, I shared the fridge with people who would put things in there, and never take them out again. These things would get old, and grow fur. 
Even more infuriating than the junk that was never cleaned out of the fridge was that one guy in the office who would eat whatever he felt like eating, whether it be his, or yours, or covered in fur. That rat-bastard ate at least half my meal on many occasions, and I always wanted to stab him for it… but I could never prove it. 
My solution came to me in the form of a bottle that my wife’s uncle had. It was a hot sauce called “The Hottest F*ckin’ Sauce“. I dabbed one drop on my finger and tasted it. It lived up to it’s name. I slathered those suckers like it was my job.

“So,” I said after noticing the styrofoam had a telltale orange fingerprint… I saw the jackass, sitting at the table in the shared lunch room, eating a barbeque chicken breast. Yes, that’s right, he ate one of my buffalo wings, EVEN THOUGH he brought his own lunch.

“How’s the chicken,” I asked feeling much the winner. You dirt bag… teach you a lesson you sleaze… “It’s good,” he said.

“No, man, I mean my buffalo chicken,” I said.

“I didn’t eat your chicken,” he lied.

“Yeah ya did man.”

He smirked and nodded… “Yeah, ya got me. How’d you know?” he asked as if he were just admitting to nothing at all.

“There’s buffalo sauce all over your face and under your fingernails you slob.”

“Heh,” he said dismissively. Bastard didn’t even care!

I wanted to poke him in the eye… I finally hatch a freakin master plan to teach him a lesson, and he’s too stupid to even realize he had just eaten the hottest f*cking sauce! AND I totally outted him in front of everyone and he didn’t give a rats ass!

Totally ruined my week. Hell, I’m still pissed.

You ever have someone eat your lunch? … and not that it doesn’t happen to me here at home either… But it’s different here.

…I’m all out of the hottest f*ucking sauce.

god those wings look good…


11 thoughts on “Red Handed – A to Z Blog Challenge

  1. I used to work in an office where someone was constantly doing that to other people. I always brought weird stuff though, so the mysterious food thief usually left mine alone.Then again, maybe that’s because I usually wrote a note threatening violence if anyone stole my food.

  2. You can’t pick your family or coworkers unles you’re the boss!And that sucks!Sometimes.It’s mighty annoying when somebody doesn’t care that they caught doing the wrong-wrong.Mighty annoying.

  3. Good for you. Sucky that he was such a dolt. Karma is powerful so rest assured, he’ll figure it out eventually.I gotta say…Sue at Jumping Aground did a wonderful thing yesterday. (Me finding you).You are my R and you really really REALLY deserve it.Kudos to you and keep on writing, I love your style 🙂

  4. Karen – If I give you a name, can you have his legs broken??Sue – He probably would have been happy about those, it would mean more time away from doing actual work… Up2DaRack – I love the Farside! I was crushed when Larson stopped making them. Quirky – Any possibility of me ever respecting him went out the window that day. San – Well gosh! I’m very honored to be your R! Hrm. Sue… San… and tomorrow is S…

  5. In our office of 40, a guy set out a brand-new unopened pack of hotdogs on the counter to thaw for lunch. At lunchtime, though the hotdogs were gone. It spread like wildfire that someone stole the hotdogs. The next day, the hotdogs re-appeared (still unopened) on the counter. The guy that took them, took them home with him at lunch the day before and when the office had a fit, he brought them back the next day.He was also the one eating other people’s stuff and pigging out at potluck events (and not contributing).Things stopped going missing the next month when he got fired.

  6. You’re right. Those wings look damn good.Great post today. We had a problem in kindergarten with food disappearing. Finally we caught the kid when he ate my friend’s corn chips. We wanted to hate him forever until we found out what the situation was. He had just moved to our class. He was a foster kid. His parents barely feed him. Even though he had started living with a new family, with food and attention, he most likely had a fear of not having enough to eat. Even at just 5, we could sympathize with him. And he learned to not do that. Then he left the next year. Of course, your culprit probably has plenty of food and money. He’s just an inconsiderate bastard! Gonna’ have to go for the laxative solution.

  7. Ach… Linda, you touched on something I was hoping no one would think of… IN FAIRNESS, I have to say, the guy company didn’t pay much, and the guy did have like 6 kids under the age of 9… …But still, how he could be unashamed is beyond me.

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