Road Rager

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in this blog entry do not necessarily relfect those of the writer, and are the sole opinions of the fictional character from which they may have come. Although the writer IS a Boston driver, he’s really very courteous and obeys all traffic laws.

The Boston Driver’s sentiments:
I am a Boston driver. I’m in a hurry. I have somewhere I need to be, and frankly, you’re in my way. If you can’t see over the steering wheel, you have no business being on the road, let alone the left lane. If all I see through your rear window is blue hair and knuckles on the steering wheel, I get homocidal.

I’m not interested in the speed limit. I’m not interested in your political views, your honor student, your nationality flag sticker, your peace slogans, or your clever little sayings, so get your bumper out of my face.

I’m not interested in your displeasure about me tailgating. If you’re in my way, I will be letting you know by obscuring my headlights from your mirrors by driving up your tailpipe. You will think I’m using your rear view mirror to check if I have something in my teeth.

Move over so I can pass. I don’t care what you do after that. Get behind me and flash your high beams if it makes you feel better. Don’t bother flipping me off, because I don’t care. I also won’t hear your horn because my music is louder.

I change lanes at the drop of a hat. If your lane is moving faster than mine, you can bet I’ll be changing. I don’t care if I cut you off, that’s your fault for leaving me room. I don’t use my blinkers. I know there’s a chance you’re a Boston driver too, and letting you know what I’m going to do only gives you a chance to speed up and not let me in. I know, because I do it to you.

Pedestrians have no rights. Crosswalks are a farce. Yes, you have the right of way. You’re also dead. I happen to know that’s not a risk you’re willing to take. I will not stop for you. I will continue to go as close to you as possible without hitting you. Watch out for my mirrors.

I will double park. I will block your drive way. I will move your road cones. I will pass you in the breakdown lane. I will slow down if you tailgate me. I will box you in if you try to pass. I will find a way to get back in front of you if you cut me off.

You other drivers don’t understand. I’m not in traffic with you. You’re in traffic with me. I am a Boston Driver, and I’m more important than you.


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